Sooooo, I guess I'm back. Not that I went anywhere in the past few years, I actually don't remember the last time I blogged. And to be honest I'm not exactly sure why I am blogging again other then the simple reason that I've been asked on two different occasions if I do blog. Well, anyway I think an update is in order......
I still have 4 girls, I'm still single and I'm still trying to stay on the journey that God is laying before me. I have switched to Saddleback Church and have never had as much affirmation from God that it was the best move I've ever made and a move that He knew was necessary for the path He laid for me.
So let me break it down.....Yes, I still have 4 girls even though 2 of them spent some time in Florida with their dad, one of them returning after 9 months and the other just came home a month ago after being their 2 years. So, you might ask why did they go to live with their dad, well lets just say their actions got them there. Believe me it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but God kept telling me that is exactly where they needed to be and He also promised me He would not only reconcile them back to me but also back to Him. So what did this journey look like and how did it play out and what was necessary on my part to rely completely on My Great Counselor????? Initially there was relief after I made the decision that my house would no longer be a battlefield for Satan and then simply a calm that filled the emptiness that was left by them. With just Jessica, Olivia and I the house was incredibly quiet. Then there was the mild depression I slipped into that I didn't even realize had happened until it was over. But the most important reason for having them not with me any more became clearly evident and necessary.....I did not want to be the same person or mother when they returned back to me. So, pretty much what I said to God was please take this lumpy, broken pile of clay and dump it right in the trash and start from scratch to mold and shape me into the person He saw in my mothers womb over 40 years ago. I surrendered myself to the Master Potter and on my knees asked for forgiveness for all the wrong turns I had taken as a mother. I would pray nightly for God to transform me because to have Him return my girls back to the same mother I was when they left would have meant that sending them to live with their dad was all for nothing.
Which brings me to the 2nd change in my life, moving to Saddleback Church, a place I never thought I would worship at, I mean just the parking lot scared me! So why the switch? To put it simply and somewhat succintly I had realized that as a single Christian woman I needed a spiritual leader and with no prospects of an earthly partner I knew it had to be my church. And even though I loved my small church where I had grown so much I knew it was time to move on. The roller coaster had begun! I entered a 30 week Christian Counseling program at Saddleback, graduated and became a lay counselor for the church. I have been serving in this way for nearly a year and have been so blessed to see the Holy Spirit work in the different women brought to me by God. What an honor!
Oh, and yes, I'm still single even though I did have a relationship wherein God revealed so much to me about where I thought I was in my walk to where I actually was in His eyes and with the ending of that story even though I am very happy in my new found singleness again,I still have to ask God to help me be still and surrender it all to Him and most importantly that I no longer 'search' but wait to be 'found' by a truly genuine Godly man if and when the Keeper of the Stars brings someone into my life. Oh, and also to give only Him the key to my heart knowing that only He can place that key in the hands of the one worthy and chosen by Him for me.
So that's a little glimpse of where I am now.....there is so much more but it's late and I'm meeting a dear friend for coffee in the morning.
I still have 4 girls, I'm still single and I'm still trying to stay on the journey that God is laying before me. I have switched to Saddleback Church and have never had as much affirmation from God that it was the best move I've ever made and a move that He knew was necessary for the path He laid for me.
So let me break it down.....Yes, I still have 4 girls even though 2 of them spent some time in Florida with their dad, one of them returning after 9 months and the other just came home a month ago after being their 2 years. So, you might ask why did they go to live with their dad, well lets just say their actions got them there. Believe me it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but God kept telling me that is exactly where they needed to be and He also promised me He would not only reconcile them back to me but also back to Him. So what did this journey look like and how did it play out and what was necessary on my part to rely completely on My Great Counselor????? Initially there was relief after I made the decision that my house would no longer be a battlefield for Satan and then simply a calm that filled the emptiness that was left by them. With just Jessica, Olivia and I the house was incredibly quiet. Then there was the mild depression I slipped into that I didn't even realize had happened until it was over. But the most important reason for having them not with me any more became clearly evident and necessary.....I did not want to be the same person or mother when they returned back to me. So, pretty much what I said to God was please take this lumpy, broken pile of clay and dump it right in the trash and start from scratch to mold and shape me into the person He saw in my mothers womb over 40 years ago. I surrendered myself to the Master Potter and on my knees asked for forgiveness for all the wrong turns I had taken as a mother. I would pray nightly for God to transform me because to have Him return my girls back to the same mother I was when they left would have meant that sending them to live with their dad was all for nothing.
Which brings me to the 2nd change in my life, moving to Saddleback Church, a place I never thought I would worship at, I mean just the parking lot scared me! So why the switch? To put it simply and somewhat succintly I had realized that as a single Christian woman I needed a spiritual leader and with no prospects of an earthly partner I knew it had to be my church. And even though I loved my small church where I had grown so much I knew it was time to move on. The roller coaster had begun! I entered a 30 week Christian Counseling program at Saddleback, graduated and became a lay counselor for the church. I have been serving in this way for nearly a year and have been so blessed to see the Holy Spirit work in the different women brought to me by God. What an honor!
Oh, and yes, I'm still single even though I did have a relationship wherein God revealed so much to me about where I thought I was in my walk to where I actually was in His eyes and with the ending of that story even though I am very happy in my new found singleness again,I still have to ask God to help me be still and surrender it all to Him and most importantly that I no longer 'search' but wait to be 'found' by a truly genuine Godly man if and when the Keeper of the Stars brings someone into my life. Oh, and also to give only Him the key to my heart knowing that only He can place that key in the hands of the one worthy and chosen by Him for me.
So that's a little glimpse of where I am now.....there is so much more but it's late and I'm meeting a dear friend for coffee in the morning.
Labels: 2010......
posted by Helena Halter at 11:46 PM
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